I doubt on a daily basis. Not just doubt with writing, doubt with everything. Mostly I consider my life, the direction its taking, and if the choices I'm making are taking me where I need to be.
There's a lot of things I want out of life and I just wonder if I'm doing what I should do to get there.
Its not so different with writing. I know what i want. I want to be published. I want to have a book on my shelf with my name on it and a clever dedication. the only difference between writing in life is I know for sure what I need to do to get there, write. I've been writing. Not a lot, but enough. I'm entering a contest with the first 10,000 words of a novel I've been working on for..oh I don't know, 4 years? (Yeah...the one I said i was putting down awhile ago...) And I'm really excited to have someone else read and critique it. Will I win? probably not, but that's okay.
I'm starting to realize something. I'm not writing to "win." I'm not writing to be successful, I'm writing for me. I'm writing because its fun! I like finishing a chapter and reading it again 2 years later and thinking "Wow, i wrote that?"
I used to want my book to define me, I don't anymore. I've decided that while I am serious about writing it's not everything to me, it's just one thing. If i fail I won't be ruined. I think I've discovered writing for me isn't really about the book its just getting to know myself a little better.
In fact if I make it to the end of my life without having a book published I'll be fine with that. As long as I finish something that makes sense to someone that will be enough.
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